Last week, as part of a general de-cluttering of my garage – I threw out all my sporting awards that I had accumulated between the age of eight and forty. Over 150 trophies, medals, ribbons banners and certificates. They had been placed in a garbage bag and stored in a cupboard for the last dozen or so years anyway.
I just needed to pick up that bag and throw it on the pile. I resisted the strong temptation to sort the contents of the bag as some of those trinkets would bring back memories and I would resort to keeping them stored for another decade. Anyway, it wasn’t who I was anymore.
Once – when I was around 13 years old – I thought I could play sport at the highest level. On my journey I quickly recognised I wasn’t good enough. So, I got a new dream.
We all have dreams. Particularly when we’re young and nothing seems impossible. Parents encourage their children to aim high because you can be and do everything and anything you want.
It doesn’t matter if you’re rich, poor or somewhere in between (unless you want to play polo) for most people our youth is an opportunity to reflect on never again to be imagined possibilities.
Fast forward to your adult life. Are you everything you want to be in life? If not, what’s holding you back?
Over the last couple of months, I asked this question of various different people of different ages and socio-economic backgrounds. The response was almost universal. No.and when I asked why the 2nd response was also universal: I can’t afford it.
I call BS on that.
For many of us, usually the first our dreams start to shatter is when we’re hit with the reality of putting a roof over our own heads. We don’t realise it then but we put our dreams on hold – “briefly” – until we figure out a way of affording the home that we will use as a springboard for the rest of our dreams.
Except, we become consumed by it. The home. It dictates that a mortgage or rental be paid on time each month. We need to get a job to be able to do that. Any job, for now, as long as I can get that roof over my head. You can hear yourself saying it now. I’ll chase my dreams later.
Once you have a place to live, you begin a quest to have someone to share it with…maybe kids too. Then you need a bigger place with a bigger mortgage or rental…
Then you wake up one morning twenty years or so later, on automatic pilot – almost sleepwalking – and you just don’t want to do this anymore. I want to get off the treadmill.
Or worse, you’re retrenched from your job that you never liked nor wanted but you realise that it now defines you and you’re lost without it. Because you’ve lost who you should’ve been with the monthly mortgage/rental payments.
If this sounds familiar, read on.
How did you get here? All you wanted was a place to live and to chase your dreams. You achieved the first but it consumed the second. What to do now?
Well it’s never too late to re-assess. If you think you need more money I’ll show you a billionaire who also does.
Money (or our perceived lack of it) is just an excuse to avoid making the difficult decisions about the rest of our lives. It’s so much easier to coast into an abyss of our own making.
Look, owning their own home is an important step for many people. But it shouldn’t be the pinnacle of your life’s achievements. Perhaps you had a dream to travel to exotic locations or be your own boss or rid yourself of your current boss or fall in love again or do some good for others…
None of these things are possible for you until you take that first step and seek help. It may be that you require financial help (call us we’ll put you in touch with the right people); it may be that you require mental health assistance (see your GP about a mental health plan and they will refer you to the appropriate specialist); it may be that you just need a holiday (see a travel agent or just simply book online) or you may have realised after many years that you and your spouse are not meant for each other (I have no advice to give here – perhaps a counsellor or someone who practices family law)…
Your dreams, if you haven’t realised it yet, will change over time. Like my trophies, what you thought was important in your late teens and early twenties may not seem all that important now.
The practicalities of living have been a hard-earned lesson and the sometimes brutal realities of life (health, love, family, death, betrayal, loyalty, money etc.) have tempered what you once thought was important. That’s not a bad thing.
As my business partner, Nick, is fond of saying if a dream doesn’t work out “get a new dream”.
We see many people with dreams of home ownership. More and more we’re finding that we’re doing ourselves out of a commission because it’s just not the right thing to do for our client.
Because we’re not allowed to give our clients financial advice we strongly urge these clients into seeking advice form a reputable financial planner.
In every case, clients have been relieved to hear this. They desperately want to speak with someone who will change the course that they were seeking to undertake (buying a property 40kms from the a CBD they didn’t want with a 30 year debt obligation).
The purchase of your property may be a dream come true for some people but it could also terminate a lifetime’s ambition for many. All we ask is that you think about it and more importantly, talk about it.
My dream? To last the rest of my days with at least the same number (or more) of close friends and family that I currently have. Neither of these can be brought or traded. Friends have provided my happiest memories, wisdom and family provides me comfort, support and grounding. I only wish others would see that too. It costs nothing but reciprocation. It’s a simple dream I’ll admit but, after a lifetime of meandering, I have clarity and a purpose.
A very close and recently departed family member used to say “the problem you have that can be solved with money is not really a problem. It’s all the other stuff you need to worry about.” He wasn’t wealthy in the material sense just insightful.
Now tell me again about your dreams…